Explorations, experiments, and art projects

      
   
     During in church last week I looked behind me, and there they were; the perfect little family of eight.  Mom (Leslie Bess), dad, and six perfectly polished and well behaved children ages 12-2.  Then I looked at my family.  The two year old was drinking his sippy on the floor under our bench, the five year old coloring like a mad woman, the three year old with only one shoe and his tie off doing a little dance in his seat "I love goldfish, I love goldfish, I love goldfish."  Then there was my husband holding the wiggly baby that had just been trying to escape down the isle.  I looked at him and he looked at me.  I don't know exactly what was going through his head "what did we get ourselves into?!?" or "Save me, please, save me" but it wasn't the same look as the Bess parents sitting behind us as they listened quietly to the person speaking at the pulpit.
     I reflected on my week at I tried to calm the now crying two year old.  I bet Leslie didn't have to comfort her boys on friday because the morons decided that they would use their new sled to ride down the stairs (that aren't even straight!) and inevitably crashed into a wall and tumbled down the rest.
       Is it nature? Is it nurture?  Okay, so I know I don't have a quiet house.  There is a trampoline in my basement and I have allowed to my three year old to hit balls with his bat in the living room because it was too cold to play outside.  So maybe I'm not doing my job as a mother and my nurturing is all off!  But I swear they came this way, all four of my children were sitting up at three months, crawling between five and six months, and walking between seven and nine months.  I just have children that are excited about life! learners! explorers! adventurous!.... and total hellians.
     Now don't get me wrong, they absolutely love each other.  They are sweet and caring children.  There is not violence in our home, just lots and lots of action.  They play nicely, and can even play quietly.  However, it is usually in the quiet times I begin to worry "what are they doing now?!?" To give you a little taste of being a mother to four active children ages five and under, I composed a list.  I am sure I missed things, but basically one day I sat down and decided to write down all of their escapades (that I could recall) during the previous two weeks.  This list is by no means inclusive. Here we go:

1. Drew with pen on the leather interior of my van
2. Permanent marker on jeans and doors
3. Took off a poopy diaper and sat on carpet, then my couch- poop everywhere!
4. Uncooked oats dumped and thrown all over kitchen
5. Red crayon on my microfiber sofa
6. Broke my eyeglasses
7. Broke my ironing board
8. "Book bowling" with my decor from the bookshelf
9. Dumped OJ on playroom carpet
10. Threw rocks at my van
11. Dumped water from kitchen sink to the floor in cupfuls
12. Dumped water from the bathtub onto floor by cupfuls
13. Ruined electronic by "bathing" them
14. Burned holes in the living room carpet with the blow dryer
15. Pulled the handrail loose from the wall by tying belts around it and hanging (trying to make a ride?!?)
16. Threw golfballs at the TV
17. Pulled a dozen hairbows apart
18. Squirt out 3 tubes of toothpaste onto the counter, then finger painted on the mirror
19. Cut holes with scissors in 3 different shirts

      So thats about two weeks worth of explorations, experiments, and art projects.

      "Look mommy I've discovered gravity, when I throw oatmeal into the air it comes back down"

      "I drew this picture in permanent marker on your wall so you can have it forever!"

      "Mom, I created a NEW game!  Take all of your decorations off of the shelf,  line them up on the floor, throw some books, and try to knock them over!  Its book bowling!!!"

        Ok, so some of it was just an accident (i.e. hanging on my ironing board and breaking it). But I really don't think most of it was out of ill-intent, just stupidity.  When I had just one baby that would get into things I would tell my mother about it and she would tell me to go buy her more toys, "she doesn't have anything she can play with."  Well mom, whats the excuse now?  Giving my daughter credit, she had very little to do with the list presented above.  90% of it included my 2 year old, and about 75% included my 3 year old, but the baby and my daughter participated in very little of it.
      So yes, I spend my days doing the things you would expect of a mom; dishes, laundry, cooking, and of course I read and play with my kids. But an unfair amount of time is spent calming or fixing the havoc that was wrought on my house by my four little adventurers. But as I scrub, and pick up, and vacuum for the third time during the day, I cant help but think.... what does  Leslie Bess do with her day?

A special moment

Today I had a profound moment. I wouldnt normally share something like this, but I felt prompted to.

I was pondering the state of the world and getting a little depressed. How can I possibly raise righteous sons in this latter-day Soddom and Gommorrah?It really seems like an impossible task! At every twist and turn there is another opportunity to participate in unholy and impure practices! There is toomuch stacked against them!

This is going to sound absolutely terrible, so please dont judge me for it. But at moments like these, I see the mothers who have lost their children and I am just a little bit envious. I realize how this sounds and I know that it is not a justified feeling. I cannot even contemplate their sorrow and greif and I would NEVER ask for this to happen to myself, or anyone! But the thought has honestly crossed my mind: How come their children get free pass? How come those children dont have to remain in this world to be tried and tempted? Their moms will have the oppertunity to raise them in the millenium, in a world devoid of such evil influences. It doesnt seem quite fair.

After feelings of anxiety at the task I have before me over the next 20 years, I asked the Lord for some answers as to why it seems so unfair. The things that my boys are going to have to face seem so monumental, it is too much for them! Then in the sweetest, most tender way, I almost HEARD these words spoken to me.

"Because these are my most valient. They have these huge trials because they have the ability to conquor them! And when they do, they will be prepared. Be faithful. This is their final and greatest test, and I will not leave them alone to fail it."

I cannot even express my feelings right now. I am so so greatful for the gift of the holy gohost, for the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation, and for my wonderful children and their elite little spirits.

Don't Carpe Diem

I just HAVE to share this article, because when I found it I was practicly screaming in my head "yes, yes, YES!"  I hope you enjoy it the way I did: Click here. It perfectly describes my life right now. Just wish I had her talent to write and explain it so well!

or here is a copy (hope this is ok to just copy and paste it)!

Don't Carpe Diem

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."

At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?

That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.

 

-Glennon Melton 

A learning kind of day

Today I was reminded of something...

I took Pierson to the pediatrician today when I realized that he has been MORE than clingy, but has stopped sleeping well and doesn't enjoying eating anymore. Just what I expect- a double ear infection.  He is such a sweet boy, he never complains so even though he hadn't been "cranky" I knew.

Then took Ava to school.  Dropped the bigger boys off at a friends house for a little and I cuddled with my baby for a little.

It was a good day.  Pretty typical (ok, so a nap is not so typical) but the rest of the day, i.e. laundry, dishes, reading, lunch, chaos, building with blocks, etc, was just another day.

Then I read this. And I bawled.  But it put my day into perspective and I looked back and saw a different day.  I was ashamed of loosing my cool when kids were taking what i thought was forever to get into the van. But mostly I was grateful. Grateful I took the time to kiss a tickle my kids this morning, grateful for the time I spent doing Ava's hair and talking to her about what she wants to learn this year, grateful for my boys and the time we spent playing together, and for the time I spent kissing their owies.  Grateful for the time I was able to enjoy just holding my baby that is growing up way too fast. I love my children. I love how sweet they are with each other (95% of the time anyway) and how they love each other!

Today I was reminded of how I cherish and love each of my children. And even though it is TRUE that they cost a ton, break things, wake me up at least 5 times every night; the TRUTH is that they are amazing, growing, sons and daughter of God that make me smile, laugh, and give purpose to my life.  A life that I LOVE.



Reffering to the link above, a friend of mine said "If we can learn something from them, maybe their suffering can be a tiny bit less." Well, today I learned something. 

Now, go read their story!

This too shall pass...(like a kidney stone)

As a full time mom of four little rascals sometimes I feel like the day will never end, that I'm actually moving backwards (as far as getting anything accomplished) and I just want to sit down and cry!  I'm soooo far from perfect.. I'm not even in the same hemisphere.  But I really do get so much joy from being a mom. Watching my children grow fills me with amazement and appreciation for the life the Lord has blessed me with.  I can easily say that I love every day of being a mom  (but maybe not like it every moment).  Today I had one of those moments...

But at the same time, I know someday I'll miss moments like these!  And thats what I kept saying to myself as I swept up about 8 cups of this flour up, and vacuumed the carpet, and wiped down the back of the sofa, and started the laundry, and bathed my boys...

I'm learning

Last night as Bennett screamed, I cried. It is soooo hard to see/listen to your child be hurt, or afraid, or even angry when you know you could rush right in and it two seconds it would all be over. Problem with that is that they don't learn or grow...I am begining to understand in the tiniest littlest bit what my Heavenly Father feels; and I dont enjoy it!

ah, parenthood

      Sometimes being a mom is hard!  With Ava I am always asking myself "how do I teach her?" and with Cam I am always asking "what am I going to do with him?"  I never thought I would be a push-over mother.  But I am!  It is so hard for me to draw the line and keep it where I want it!  Sometimes it is easier to give in than to stick to the plan.  Which is totally counter-productive and it actually makes life harder in the long run.
    Example: We have been so busy with life lately that Cameron hasn't had a regular nap time since before we went to California!  But he really needs one.  In fact he always falls asleep before the day is over, but he does it in the car, or at the most inconvenient time.  So today we are actually home and he starts acting up, so i put him in his bed and, of course, he throws up!  What do you do? I let him go to my bed (which lasted all of 5 min before he was up playing) So do I let him scream and then sleep in his puke?  It is so hard to put him in his room because I KNOW every time I do I get to go in and clean up his lunch or dinner from the floor and bed.
   I know the answers I would give someone else in my position as a mother of three children three and under:  be kind, be consistent, and create a predictable routine.  Easier said than done...

milestones

Wow!  Bennett is growing up so fast!  Its kind of sad since I know I don't have another baby in my future anytime soon.   He is sitting up on his own and he can get around a room just fine on his toes and hands (he either does the army crawl or he gets into push-up position and then pushes off with his toes until he faceplants, and then he does it again).  He is even loving solid foods!  Today he had some rice cereal, applesauce, banana, and then knawed on some pizza crust, yum!  It's amazing what parenthood does to you; all of a sudden a simple smile or step means the world to you.  Those moments are made up of just pure joy!  I'm so blessed to have 3 healthy wonderful and exhasting kids!